The RCMP Are Well-Trained

In most of the Canadian Provinces, there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop into the single digits or below.

One morning in March 2004 about 3AM an RCMP Constable was awakened to respond to such a call of a car off the shoulder on the Trans Canada Highway outside of Medicine Hat, Alberta.

The Constable located the car still running, stuck in deep snow alongside the highway. Pulling in behind it with his emergency lights on, the Constable walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel and a near empty bottle of vodka on the seat. He tapped on the window and the driver woke up, seeing the rotating lights in his rear view mirror and the RCMP Constable standing next to his car. The man panicked, he jerked the gearshift into drive and hit the gas. The car's speedometer was showing 20-30-40 then 50 KPH, but its still stuck in the snow.

The Constable, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding but still stationary car. The driver was totally freaked thinking the officer was actually keeping up with him. This goes on for about 20 seconds when the RCMP Officer yelled at the man ordering him to "pull over".

The man obeyed, turned his wheel and stopped the engine. Once out of the car the drunken driver asked about the RCMPs' special training and just how can the Constable run 50 KPH.

The man was arrested still believing that an RCMP Constable had outrun his car.

The Battle

A squadron of Canadian troops were marching north of Khandahar when they came upon a Taliban insurgent badly injured and unconscious..

Nearby, on the opposite side of the road, was a Canadian soldier in a similar but less serious state. The soldier was conscious and alert.

As first aid was given to both men, the soldier was asked what had happened.. The soldier reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along this highway and coming south was that heavily armed Taliban insurgent. Seeing each other we both took cover. I called to him that Osama bin Laden was a miserable low-life, scumbag, and he yelled back that Paul Martin is a rich, good-for-nothing, lying, windbag."

"We were standing there shaking hands when a truck hit us."

Walking Eagle

Prime Minister Paul Martin was invited to address a major gathering of First Nations in Northern Canada. He spoke for almost an hour on his future plans for increasing every Native's present standard of living, should he be re-elected. He also referred to his career as Finance Minister. Although the Prime Minister was vague on the details of his plan, he seemed most enthusiastic about his future ideas for helping his "red sisters and brothers".

At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud Prime Minister then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later inquired of the group of chiefs as to how they came to select the new name given to the Prime Minister. They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.

Victoria

A guy moves from Toronto to Victoria. The day he arrives, it's raining.

The next day, as he's moving into his new home, it's raining.

Every day for the next two weeks, it rained!

He's looking out his front window as he drinks his morning coffee, and, of course, it's raining. He sees a young boy playing on the sidewalk, so he goes to the front door and calls to the lad, "Hey, son, does it ever stop raining here?" he asks.

"How should I know," says the boy, "I'm only eight years old!"