Unidentified Submarine in Canadian Waters

Recently when an unidentified submarine entered Canadian waters, a contingent of Canadian sailors were deployed to investigate. Canada has put a lot of time and effort into updating the camoflage uniforms for it's military and these pictures highlight the new arctic camoflage.

These sailors are part of a highly trained special unit, similar to the US Navy Seals: they are the Canadian Polar Bears.

Yeah, yeah. They're real polar bears! But give me credit for trying.

You Know You Live In Canada When.......

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor;
2. You measure distance in hours;
3. You know several people who have hit deer more than once;
4. You often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day;
5. You use a down comforter in the summer;
6. Your grandparents drive at 100km/h through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching;
7. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events;
8. You think of the major food groups as deer, meat, fish and Molson's Canadian;
9. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them;
10. You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit;
11. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow;
12. You think lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas;
13. You know all 4 season: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter and Construction;
14. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a hurry, because you have to stop and talk to everyone in the town;
15. And finally, You Know You Live In Canad When.......
You actually understand these jokes and tell them to all of your friends who live in Canada

Coffee

In Canada you can get a cup of coffee!

I mean, you can get a "Cup of COFFEE!!!"

Did you ever go into a coffee shop and ask for a coffee? The clerk looks at you like you have three heads!

"Wha' kinda coffee ya' wan'?" She asks in a nazzally, high pitched whine.

When you finally figure out what she said, you look at the menu board and try to decide between about 100 different flavours or blends. If you wanted a fruit punch, you'd order a Snapple and if you wanted a blend I can recommend a really good scotch. Finally you give up and say, "Look, all I want is a coffee. Don't you sell just coffee?"

"Well," There's that fingernails-on-chalkboard voice again, "Double, Dark Roasted Arabica is pretty much the standard and is our most popular." So, you decide to accept her advice and be on your way. But when you take that first sip, you discover that she just used it to wash the floor before serving it to you. Or perhaps the manager washed his socks in it. Or maybe both. You know why it's their most popular don't you? Everyone that comes in goes through pretty much the same routine that you just did and so this is the flavour she pushes...so, it becomes the most popular.

But there is a place you can go and when you ask for coffee, you get coffee! As a matter of fact, you don't even have to say "coffee", because the only choices that you have are : how much sugar, how much cream and if you want decaf. So you walk up to the counter or go through the drive-through and say "Large double-double" or "Small black decaf." Nothing more is required.

You get coffee!

No wonder Canada is so agressive at guarding these places!

Unfortunately, I hear that they are opening franchises in the United States.

Intro

I am going to try to provide some insight into being Canadian, hopefully with some humor and entertainment value. Note that Canada uses the British spelling of many words rather than the US spelling, as with the word humor (US) in the last sentence. So, just bear in mind as you read through these entries, there are no missssspelllllings, just alternate ones.

Before going any farther, I would like to point out that this sight might contain some politically incorrect statements. I’m not going to apologize for them. Hopefully, they will be accepted in the way that they were intended.

One possible exception to this is the "Newfie" (Newfoundlander: persons from the Province of Newfoundland; pronounced newfundland with the accent on “new�. The Newfie is Canada’s “Redneck�, and there is a plethora of Newfie jokes. Perhaps one or two might accidentally get into these pages. Just bear in mind that the Newfie (or Newf for short) as a whole is probably the best person in Canada (and the world, for that matter). The following article from the Calgary Sun a few years ago pretty much sums it up:

"The moment you lose your faith in people, I recommend you save up
your pennies and take a trip to Newfoundland. Meet the Newfoundlanders and your faith will be restored. You will meet total strangers and they will become friends. You will walk in as an unknown soul and come out with buddies who'll stand up for you in any fight. You will hear them laugh at themselves, singing songs and tell tales. They will take life's curves with grace and know that being alive is a whole lot better than being dead. They will treat you for who you are and not put on phony airs. If you need a hand, you get an army. They will take you in, buy you a round, make you part of the family and by the time you leave the Rock, you'll fall in love with the place. You see, Newfoundlanders are Newfoundlanders wherever they go. After all, as John Crosbie once said, you can always tell the Newfoundlanders in Heaven - they're the ones who want to go home! If Your Faith is Sagging, Hug a Newfoundlander! "

Rick Bell, The Calgary Sun